On Turning 60

By Regina Landor

For my upcoming 60th birthday on May 7th (No, really. You don’t need to send me anything.) I’m flying to England to celebrate with some old college friends and hopefully my husband who will hopefully still be in Europe where he’ll possibly be until his final day with USAID. Not much is clear anymore in this topsy-turvy-totalitarian version of life. 

One thing that’s clear is that I wanted to make a list of the top-10 things I’m looking forward to about being 60. I’m goal-oriented and I often think in terms of lists. Check check check until there’s no more to check and I’ll be dead. Phew, glad I made it through that list, I’ll be thinking on my final list. I’ll be done! Hurray! 

Taken a few years ago. The world has changed. I haven’t much.

I’ve actually created two top-10 lists which reflect my split personality. I can be capricious, moody, fitful, temperamental, a downer, insecure, angry, uncaring, and unattractive. I can also be fun-loving, funny, glowing, positive, confident, attractive, caring, curious, thoughtful, and happy. You can decide which list you like best. And maybe make your own list for whatever upcoming age is next for you. It’ll be fun.  

These are hardly my final lists (that I’m aware of). It’s just a little pause along the way, a reflection, to which some of you may relate. For now, here is my first list: 

The Top 10 Things I’m Looking Forward to About Being 60

1. Nothing.

2. No longer teaching and having to think about classroom management another day in my life.

3. Not being judged by an employer, i.e. “evaluated.”

4. Knowing I loved my students, but now it’s someone else’s turn. 

5. Should I start knitting? It seems like it would be relaxing but it looks painful. 

6. Bird watching. What are those creatures flying around up there? I have no idea what the different species of birds are called except for a bluejay (it’s blue), a cardinal (it’s red), and a robin-red-breast (it has a red breast). Sometimes I feel bad about myself for all the things I do not know. I haven’t started bird watching yet, but I can’t say it’s not on my list. And, it would give me an opportunity to create another list. 

7. Is it almost over? 

8. Should I start smoking? I know someone who’s mom used to smoke one cigarette at the end of every day. Just one. I mean, let’s say I wait another decade until I pick it up. I’ll be closer to being dead anyway, and it’s unlikely with one foot in the grave already that that’ll be the cause of the final blow. I’ll have to think about it some more. (No letters or comments on this pleeeeeease.)  

9. Positive thinking about owning a camper van. This can quickly spiral into negative thinking about owning a camper van. I love the idea of acquiring something I had in a miniature version when I was seven. But would it still be cute if Barbie wasn’t steering? Would it be cute if I had to steer? And what type would we get? Would it be something we pulled? A pop-up? A van with a bed in the back? What about a kitchen? There are too many options and I always return to the same question: If the goal is to be closer to nature, what is wrong with a tent?

10. Continuing to be a voice of dissent for the madness and cruelty that has ensnared this country. I’m filled with so much hate for the soulless, greedy motherfuckers who think they own the world. 

And this is my 2nd list of:

The Top 10 Things I’m Looking Forward to About Being 60

1. Continuing international folk dancing on a regular basis. It’s in a church on a wooden dance floor on Monday nights and the other people are in their 60s, 70s, 80s, and one woman who still teaches is 96 years old. I think she’s blind and deaf, too. These folks are amazing dancers because they’ve been dancing all of their lives. One evening after I’d been attending for a few weeks in a row, I got up to leave because I was exhausted after dancing for an hour and a half, way more tired than the near-centenarians still on the dance floor. The whole group finished up a dance as I was exiting and waved and said, “Bye, Regina.” I wanted to cry because it was so sweet, and I was so moved. 

2. Going to my Unitarian Universalist church on Sunday mornings. Services are at 10:30. I love that the UUs let you sleep in. 

3. Helping more at the soup kitchen by cooking and serving. Nothing makes me feel more gratitude. 

4. Growing as a writer and growing as a reader. I don’t read enough poetry. More of that.

5. More time (alone) with B. (And I don’t mean my brother whose name also begins with a B and whom I also love very much.)

6. Not feeling guilty about going alone to the movies in the middle of the afternoon. And bringing my own popcorn in a brown paper bag. My sister reminded me we did that when we were kids. And I thought—I can still do that. I love how movie theatre popcorn smells but don’t like the chemically taste. So the first time I brought my own and feeling a little weird about it, I noticed a guy sitting nearby did the same thing! He also brought his own popcorn in a brown paper bag.

7. Stopping with judging myself. Nobody cares. As one of my better supervisors once told me, “Everyone is a little bit strange.” Loved her for that.  

8. Thinking about things that bring me joy, and doing them. I always feel guilty (are you picking up a theme?) about clothes shopping but I have a close friend who’s 83 years old and she still buys clothes and she said to me once, “It’s relaxing.” And I thought, she’s right! It is relaxing. I’ve been hitting the thrift stores lately. One of my favorite new outfits is a pair of narrow, black pants made in Vietnam, a tight-flowered, colorful men’s button-down shirt made in Brooklyn, and a black jacket with little woven buttons made in Hong Kong—all purchased for under $20. Seriously. I love wearing and using items other people have worn and used (like crystal glasses or a used bookshelf bought at an estate sale). There’s so much unknown history in those items.  

9. To carry on with the guilt-theme: drinking wine. I don’t know why, but I often pause before I pour myself a glass of wine. To hell with that. Another friend’s voice is in my head: “Regina, of all the things to feel guilty about….” Thank you to that friend. One of my favorite things is cooking dinner, pouring myself a glass of wine, and placing it on the counter while I go about my chopping, nibbling an olive here, a piece of cheese there. One glass is all I want. More than that I will get a headache and potentially set off vertigo. (It’s real, it’s terrible.) I remember my mom and her little glasses of sherry. After dinner, she’d pour herself a glass and prepare a small dish of nuts and carry them upstairs with her book to read in bed. She’d say with a laugh and a big wink as she was heading upstairs, “It’s party time.” If there is anyone who deserved to throw a little party for herself every night during those growing up years, it was her. I’m glad she never felt guilty about that, either. She said yes to life.  

10. Saying yes to life. 

Thank you, Readers, for reading my lists. I hope it inspires you to create your own list, and maybe to reflect on things in your life which make you feel glad to be alive. XOXO